A Hairy Situation
by btamamura
Summary: Caboose has let his hair grow too long. But, who will be able to give him a haircut? Only one in the area has even the slightest expertise. Slash. Pastry Train. Donut x Caboose. Contains language


**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Red vs. Blue, or the characters. They are the property of Rooster Teeth, etc. I also do not own the series referenced later on._

**Notes: **_**Here we are, another Pastry Train fic. This contains the romantic pairing of Donut x Caboose, who are both men. Therefore, I'm issuing the slash warning for those who aren't into that. Also, there's a language warning and potential OOC-ness popping up.**_

_**For those who are sticking around, I hope you enjoy this!**_

It was regulation for all male soldiers to have very short hair so it would not get in their way. Female soldiers could have long hair as long as they tied it back.

As for Private Michael J. Caboose, his hair was not too short, nor too long. But, it was rather scruffy. But, nobody had the heart to tell him it needed to be shorter. At least, not until it became a problem.

As was usual, the three men of Blue team were in their civvies while eating breakfast as it was more comfortable.

While Tucker ate his food, Wash observed as Caboose kept pushing his hair away from his face whenever he needed to see something. He cleared his throat. "Caboose, I'm afraid it's time to have your hair cut. You can barely see a thing."

Caboose looked towards the sink; he was sure he heard the former Freelancer's voice coming from that direction. "I can see okay."

"Dude, you're not even looking at him," Tucker interjected as he reached for a slice of toast.

Caboose turned to the fridge. "Yes I am, Tucker."

Wash sighed. "Caboose, Tucker's right. We're sitting in front of you, but you're looking behind you. I allowed you to have your hair the way you wanted on the condition it never got in your eyes."

"It's not in my eyes. That would hurt."

"Covering them, then. You need a haircut today."

"Who's going to do it, though?" Tucker queried. "I'm a lover, not a barber. Besides, Caboose would never let me touch him."

"And I have no experience on the matter. We need someone who is adept at grooming."

"Oh, fuck. The only one I can think of is..."

Caboose smiled. "Donut!"

Wash nodded. "Maybe I should fax a memo to Red base first so Sarge doesn't consider our arrival a sneak attack."

"No good. They don't have a fax machine anymore," Tucker commented. "It's part of Simmons now."

"Oh, right. Well then, Caboose, we'll need to get into our armor in case Sarge opens fire. Even though he knows we're not really fighting..."

Caboose nodded. "Okay!"

Tucker turned to Wash. "Why are you taking him?"

"He can hardly see right now, so I'll need to make sure he doesn't get lost. Plus, someone will need to explain the situation," Wash responded as he picked up his mug of coffee.

"Good point."

It took longer than usual for Caboose to get into his armor, mainly because he kept putting it on incorrectly due to his vision being obscured. Normally, he'd just put his helmet on backwards.

Soon, he and Wash were headed to Red base. He'd been instructed to hold Wash's wrist so he would not get lost.

"Now, leave all the talking to me. Once Donut has escorted you inside, I will return to our base. Your hair won't be in your eyes, so you won't need me to lead you back."

"Okay!"

Sarge was working on repairing the Warthog when he saw two of the Blues approaching. He set down his wrench. "Oi! What are you two doin' here? We're not having a cease-fire! You two are up to something diabolical, aren't you?"

"No, nothing like that. Caboose needs Donut's help right away." Wash explained the situation.

Sarge crossed his arms. "Prove it."

"Caboose, remove your helmet."

Caboose did so.

"Jumpin' Jiminy Geewhozafat! You weren't kidding! That hair really is long!" He nodded. "Fine then. Donut can take care of him."

"Thank you. We appreciate it," Wash responded.

"Wait here, I'll get 'im out here." Sarge entered Red base.

Five minutes later, Donut ran out of the base and hugged Caboose. "I wasn't expecting to see you today, Caboose. Oh dear, your hair really has grown far too long."

"Can you do something about it?" Wash questioned.

"Of course I can! The sooner, the better!"

"Good. I'm going back to base now. Come back later, Caboose." Once he received the affirmative response, he made his way back to Blue base.

"Come on, Caboose!" Donut took his hand and led him inside.

They were at the door to Donut's room when Grif and Simmons approached them. "Does Sarge know Caboose is here?" Simmons asked.

"Of course he does, he was the one who told me to help Caboose."

Grif noticed the problem. "Whoa, Caboose! If your hair was any longer, you'd be Cousin It!"

Simmons snorted. "That show's so _old_..."

Donut opened the door to his room. "If you'll excuse us..." He led Caboose into the room and closed the door after himself.

Donut had Caboose sit while he fetched his hair care set. "Don't you worry about a thing, Caboose. By the time I'm done, you'll look wonderful. And then, we'll be able to look into each other's eyes again."

"I like that."

"Well then, just relax and it will be over in no time." He picked up a comb and started running it through his boyfriend's hair carefully. "Just gotta work through your hair first, get each tangle out. But, I'll be careful not to pull at your hair; this is not the right time for that."

Donut completed his task, being as careful as possible to avoid accidentally pulling at tangles. "Okay now, just gotta trim this hair, and soon we can see each other." He put his comb back and took out some scissors. He decided to work on the front first, so the back would be easier to manage. He scissored his index and middle fingers, then pinched some hair between them. He hummed one of his favourite show tunes as he snipped the ends. He repeated those actions until he saw Caboose's eyes staring into his. "Okay, I'll just work on the back, and then I'll take care of those bangs too."

"Can my hair look like it did?"

"Sure thing! Once I'm done cutting it, I'll just scruff it up a bit and it will be back to normal."

"Yay! I love you, Donut!"

"And I love you, Caboose. Now then, let's see..." Just as he did for the front, he repeated his earlier steps. Soon enough, that too was at a preferred length. He placed a hand on top of his taller boyfriend's head (since he was currently taller due to Caboose sitting down, he could actually do that) and started ruffling the blond strands. "Ha, it's not often I can actually do that. Well, not counting when you're blowing me away with your amazing skills."

"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear that!" Simmons shouted from the room next door.

Donut finished his work and put down the scissors before picking up a mirror. "Ta-dah~! Not a bad job if I say so myself!" He held it up.

Caboose smiled as he saw his reflection. "Hello, Me-in-Mirror! I look good!"

"You look positively fantastic! Just like the day I finally saw you without your armor!" He lowered the mirror. "So, do I get a reward?"

"Yep!" Caboose hugged him close. "For cutting it, you get a hug! And for making me and Me-in-Mirror happy by making me look the way I do, you get a kiss!"

Donut pulled back slightly so he could bend down a little and allow his lips to meet with Caboose's.

"You'd better not do anything else! I can't drown it out!" Simmons yelled from the next room.

They both laughed without ending their kiss.

Tucker had finished his sixty-ninth lap around the base before collapsing; too exhausted to let out a _bow-chicka-bow-wow!_ at the dirty number. He turned his head and saw Caboose was returning.

Wash emerged from the base, prepared to scold Tucker for stopping at his usual number, but then also noticed the youngest Blue. "Did Donut cut your hair short enough?"

Caboose removed his helmet. "He made me and Me-in-Mirror look like I usually do."

"You can see again?"

"Yep! I saw Donut and we kissed!"

"More than I needed to know."

Tucker sat up after finally catching his breath. "At least he didn't say they screwed each other's brains out. Be thankful for that."

"Good point. Still, as long as you can actually see, then that's fine. Just make sure your hair never gets that long again."

"I don't want my hair to get long. I'll have to have a new name." Caboose was frowning.

"A new name? I'd never heard of that."

"Grif-with-two-_f_s said that if my hair was longer, I'd be Cousin It."

Tucker started laughing. "Man, wish I'd thought of that one first!"

"Caboose, that's not what he meant. Grif was comparing you to a character from an old show that was practically made of hair," Wash explained.

"That must be a hairy show," Caboose commented.

"That's...not what I meant..." The rest of the afternoon was spent by Wash explaining the _character_ was hairy, Caboose misunderstanding and Tucker watching with amusement.


End file.
